Changing, Uncategorized

Growing Wildflowers

It’s funny how day to day nothing changes, but when so much time has gone by and you look back on yourself a few years ago, you can safely say so much has changed. A lot of people still view me as the unconfident, introverted, self-doubtful, trying to please everyone, “goody two shoes” girl I used to be at 15. But I’ve changed quite a bit since then. It’s hard though, to stay changed, when so many people, maybe without realizing, won’t allow it or try to change you, to keep you that same girl that they picture in their head.

I’m not that girl, I won’t go back. I love being confident in myself, knowing I can do what people think I can’t. I’ve learned that I can say no, and that’s okay. I love getting to know others and hearing their stories. I love myself, flaws and all. I know I’ve made mistakes, are making mistakes, and will make mistakes in the future. But life’s about learning and growing and yes, changing. 

I’m sorry to those that can’t or won’t accept change, I get it, it can be scary, but I’m not scared of change. I love seeing new perspectives and constantly learning. I love that I’m not who I was at 15. To those of you who don’t accept me as I am, I’m okay with that. I won’t keep myself in the past or change in any shape or form for you, and I would never ask you to change for me. I love you all, as you are, no matter your past, your present, or your future. 

All I ask, is that you try to get to know the me I’ve become, and if you don’t like what you see, that’s alright. I can’t and I won’t please everyone, and I understand that now. I won’t hold myself back for you, and I don’t mean that at all harshly, just honestly. 

I’ve learned to love me, and just maybe you can too.

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body image

We Are Strong. We Are Beautiful.

Mirriors: “a reflective surface, now typically of glass coated with a metal amalgam, that reflects a clear image.” Yet how often is that image so unclear? We can see ourselves in one reflection, only to see a completely different one later. Usually, it’s one of two ways. We see ourselves as beautiful or happy or interesting. Sometimes we just see our “flaws” or sadness or maybe even loneliness. Yet why should we allow that image of ourselves to become our only image? 

Since being back, even I have slipped into that image of myself at times. Before I left, I had a healthy diet, the right face treatments, I ran regularly. I was happy with my image. When I got back from Indiana however, I still ate the same way, I still exercise, but I started getting acne. People would comment things like “Wow, you had such clear skin before, what happened?” Now each time I’m not wearing make up, I look in the mirror and think those negative thoughts. I find myself tearing down my own image  without a second thought, and it’s not just my skin. Ever since I can remember I felt this constant need to lose weight and be skinnier, even when I was already underweight. I’ve been allowing others opinions of my body become my own once again. 

I need to remember that I am created just the way I was supposed to be. We all were. Each one of us is unique and intriguing and so precious. 

We should not let anyone change how we view ourselves into something negative and dishonest. Let us be the ones willing to remind others that they are worth so much more than they could ever know. Let our generation be the ones to bring back self-worth and acceptance of ourselves how we are. We are strong. We are beautiful. We don’t need a scale or chemicals or fake nails and hair to be worth something. Rather we should learn to fall back in love with ourselves as we are. 

 

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