Uncategorized

It Was Worth It

It’s strange how different life is when you’re looking back down the road of your life. All the twists and turns that have taken place and the ones yet to come. Even now, the past few months have had so many. This past year, on March 6th, my fiance and I got married. And this is what we learned: marriage is definitely not as easy as people make it out to be!

You know how people say there’s a “honeymoon phase” in marriage? Well I can tell you, that that is far, far from the truth. I mean, c’mon, you’re learning to live with someone in person, learning their weird habits, and it’s like two words colliding and for us, well we got thrown into the fighting right away. Between the things he hid, didn’t tell me, and lied to my face about, and my lack of communication after learning all these things, it turned into a love-hate battle between us. 

It’s hard when dark things come to light…most of us don’t want to be open or trust or feel vulnerable again with someone who’s hurt you so bad repeatedly in the past and still is in the present too. You get to the point of feeling so small and insignificant and alone..even in your own home, and even with someone you thought you loved.

Like anything though, time goes on, and you have to choose to work through it or keep holding it inside or against each other and not ever moving forward. It’s not an easy task, but one I felt God leading me to do. To try and forgive, trust, and open back up to my husband after I built so many walls against him from the pain I felt. It took a lot of time and patience, but together, our marriage slowly started to heal.

We are far from the perfect couple, and have things to work on, but looking back I see just how far we’ve come and if I’m honest, it’s a long long way from where we started this marriage at, and the battle, I found, was worth it.

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Changing, Uncategorized

Growing Wildflowers

It’s funny how day to day nothing changes, but when so much time has gone by and you look back on yourself a few years ago, you can safely say so much has changed. A lot of people still view me as the unconfident, introverted, self-doubtful, trying to please everyone, “goody two shoes” girl I used to be at 15. But I’ve changed quite a bit since then. It’s hard though, to stay changed, when so many people, maybe without realizing, won’t allow it or try to change you, to keep you that same girl that they picture in their head.

I’m not that girl, I won’t go back. I love being confident in myself, knowing I can do what people think I can’t. I’ve learned that I can say no, and that’s okay. I love getting to know others and hearing their stories. I love myself, flaws and all. I know I’ve made mistakes, are making mistakes, and will make mistakes in the future. But life’s about learning and growing and yes, changing. 

I’m sorry to those that can’t or won’t accept change, I get it, it can be scary, but I’m not scared of change. I love seeing new perspectives and constantly learning. I love that I’m not who I was at 15. To those of you who don’t accept me as I am, I’m okay with that. I won’t keep myself in the past or change in any shape or form for you, and I would never ask you to change for me. I love you all, as you are, no matter your past, your present, or your future. 

All I ask, is that you try to get to know the me I’ve become, and if you don’t like what you see, that’s alright. I can’t and I won’t please everyone, and I understand that now. I won’t hold myself back for you, and I don’t mean that at all harshly, just honestly. 

I’ve learned to love me, and just maybe you can too.

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