It Was Worth It

It’s strange how different life is when you’re looking back down the road of your life. All the twists and turns that have taken place and the ones yet to come. Even now, the past few months have had so many. This past year, on March 6th, my fiance and I got married. And this is what we learned: marriage is definitely not as easy as people make it out to be!

You know how people say there’s a “honeymoon phase” in marriage? Well I can tell you, that that is far, far from the truth. I mean, c’mon, you’re learning to live with someone in person, learning their weird habits, and it’s like two words colliding and for us, well we got thrown into the fighting right away. Between the things he hid, didn’t tell me, and lied to my face about, and my lack of communication after learning all these things, it turned into a love-hate battle between us. 

It’s hard when dark things come to light…most of us don’t want to be open or trust or feel vulnerable again with someone who’s hurt you so bad repeatedly in the past and still is in the present too. You get to the point of feeling so small and insignificant and alone..even in your own home, and even with someone you thought you loved.

Like anything though, time goes on, and you have to choose to work through it or keep holding it inside or against each other and not ever moving forward. It’s not an easy task, but one I felt God leading me to do. To try and forgive, trust, and open back up to my husband after I built so many walls against him from the pain I felt. It took a lot of time and patience, but together, our marriage slowly started to heal.

We are far from the perfect couple, and have things to work on, but looking back I see just how far we’ve come and if I’m honest, it’s a long long way from where we started this marriage at, and the battle, I found, was worth it.


Surrendering to Yourself

“Grab your old skateboard or guitar, pick up on writing a novel you started in college, go back to something you once loved but left. You too will feel as if you’ve unlocked a precious piece of yourself that got buried with time and responsibility.” 
 I think we sometimes forget our goals, dreams, or childhood hopes because we believe that as adults we have to set those aside in order to be seen as mature, or responsible, or wise. Yet, once we forget or don’t make time to have those passions and joys, I see people struggling to be happy with their life and becoming lost in the midst of everything. I know, because I did this exact thing. 

Yes, I’m still young and have my ‘inner child’ but it took me a long time to allow that childlike playful self out. Ive been told so many times that I have this older mindset, always so responsible, always so mature…but I forgot to have fun along the way.  

I took my own views and others views on being an ‘adult’ and became so focused on those attributes that I set aside my goals and passions. I stopped doing art, writing poetry, playing music, and making clothes. I lost focus on what I loved.

I believe setting aside a little time to return to our former loves, dreams, and passions, we will ultimately find ourselves again.

All Consuming Love

“I would rather stand with God and be judged by the world, than stand with the world and be judged by God.” This is a quote from God’s Not Dead 2, and it happened to strike something deep within me. Reading through the book “Radical: Taking Back Your Faith From the American Dream” by David Platt, I’ve come to realize that I too have fallen into treating Jesus as though he is like me, rather then seeing him as the Jesus we read of in the Bible. In this sense, I have been little by little changing my perspective of the Bible in order to benefit my views on life too. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, until I make it more about me and less about El Shaddai. 

“You’re here because that still small voice inside you isn’t happy with the choices everyone wants you to make. All you have to do is decide whether or not you’re willing to listen…it is not easy, but it is simple.” I remember the exact night I prayed to El Shaddai, “This life is not my own but Yours, I give my life back to you.” Jesus gave up His life for me, and I must be willing to do the same for him. That was the night I made a vow to El Shaddai, knowing that this may be the hardest journey I’ll be on, but that it would also be one of the most life changing experiences. 

“I feel that God wants someone to defend Him.” There are so many different perspectives on the Bible, what the verses mean, or how a book in the Bible is viewed. Not that any are wrong, but many are not right either. I believe we are slowly becoming a world that can fall into deceiving themselves with the Bible, taking what they want from the Word and leaving out what they don’t want or even changing it to better fit their own lives and I could see that coming into my own life as well. 

I find myself wanting to have ‘radical’ faith, where I follow without question, where I read the Bible as it is rather then as I wish it was. I get that I am far from perfect, I am flawed and scarred, and I will continue to be that way. My hope for myself though, is to love El Shaddai completely and whole heartedly, in a love that is all consuming. 

Create a free website or blog at

Up ↑