Christian Writing, Uncategorized

Simple Truths

In life, I find that when you need to learn something the most, it has a habit of popping up right in front of you. Yet you ultimately have the choose as to wether or not to actually see and acknowledge it. Over time, I have noticed that I have trouble taking what knowledge is right in front of me and applying it to my life. Instead I push it to the side and say to myself that I’ll live it out at another time, or even bypass relating to it all together. Yet that’s not really teaching me anything now is it?

I was sitting at the table drinking my usual cup of tea and reading the Bible this morning when I came upon a verse that made me reflect on myself and on my life at the moment, as well as made me meditate on who I want to become. Proverbs is one book that has always spoken to me. I find that I love the wisdom literature in the Bible and each time I read it, I take away something new. Yet remembering to live it is a different story altogether because I fight myself on both who I want to be as well as the traits or characteristics I accept or refuse to accept from both myself and others.

Love and faith is something I have always struggled with. It’s a never ending battle of wanting to have that represented in my life and my fear in allowing myself to do so. An unending shift between letting myself live it out and accept it and moments when I reject receiving love or faith from anyone and refuse to give it to anyone. I’m more then willing to admit I always fall back and forth between the two. 

Proverbs 3:3 helped put things into perspective I’m a way that I could understand and interpret, “Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.” That passage reminded me that my fear of getting hurt or rejected or abandoned needed to be worked on in order to love and have that faith in others more freely and openly, without my ability to harden my heart and refuse to let people in…which I admit, has always been one of my character flaws. 

Proverbs so often states that love, faith, and trust is critical in community with others and most importantly in a relationship with God. As a Christian, my lifestyle should mirror what is in my heart, and my heart needs to change in order to mirror the love and faith God is calling me to have. Loving unconditionally and living in faith will ultimately lead to trust, not only with people but with Him as well. Only then will my inner and outer spirit reflect the same walk. 

While I know I have a long list of things to work on and always will in this crazy but amazing journey of life; I’m glad there are moments like these, where a simple truth lets you see yourself and the world with new eyes. Moments where you gain a whole different perspective into what’s going on around you, when you didn’t notice anything was changing in the first place. 

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Changing, Uncategorized

Growing Wildflowers

It’s funny how day to day nothing changes, but when so much time has gone by and you look back on yourself a few years ago, you can safely say so much has changed. A lot of people still view me as the unconfident, introverted, self-doubtful, trying to please everyone, “goody two shoes” girl I used to be at 15. But I’ve changed quite a bit since then. It’s hard though, to stay changed, when so many people, maybe without realizing, won’t allow it or try to change you, to keep you that same girl that they picture in their head.

I’m not that girl, I won’t go back. I love being confident in myself, knowing I can do what people think I can’t. I’ve learned that I can say no, and that’s okay. I love getting to know others and hearing their stories. I love myself, flaws and all. I know I’ve made mistakes, are making mistakes, and will make mistakes in the future. But life’s about learning and growing and yes, changing. 

I’m sorry to those that can’t or won’t accept change, I get it, it can be scary, but I’m not scared of change. I love seeing new perspectives and constantly learning. I love that I’m not who I was at 15. To those of you who don’t accept me as I am, I’m okay with that. I won’t keep myself in the past or change in any shape or form for you, and I would never ask you to change for me. I love you all, as you are, no matter your past, your present, or your future. 

All I ask, is that you try to get to know the me I’ve become, and if you don’t like what you see, that’s alright. I can’t and I won’t please everyone, and I understand that now. I won’t hold myself back for you, and I don’t mean that at all harshly, just honestly. 

I’ve learned to love me, and just maybe you can too.

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